Life gets really, really, real sometimes. We have been conditioned to bottle it up with a southern smile and a lil’ sass. But ‘ish is hard, life is hard and while you may not be ready to open up to someone, I hope my vulnerability allows space for your journey to begin.
Rules and Regulations
This is one of the many ideas floating around in these curls. This space is new for me and I won't be perfect, but that's not the expectation in life, it gets messy. You are a guest, and I thank you for visiting, but this is a respectful space.**Refer to disclaimer** We going to figure this out together.
Disclaimer:
Position yourself in an environment that allows you to laugh loudly and freely!
I’m not going to mind my p’s and q’s. Most likely to say the thing you are thinking, without thinking.
I can be the biggest cheerleader and champion for friends, family, and coworkers. I can seem self confident, in control and fully aware of situations. But I also struggle in cheering on and believing in myself.
Being one doesn’t exclude you of being the other. Both can and do simultaneously exist. And while some may not share their struggles with self doubt, I will.
About a month ago, I attended a virtual training on trauma. They asked that we participate in an activity that would be very vulnerable in completion. The question was asked “What is one thing that you believe about yourself that you keep hidden and wouldn’t share with others?” We didn’t have to answer the question allowed and I’ve kept that answer heavy in my head as of late. Not because I want to rinse in the bitterness of the answer but because I want to recognize it, remind myself that it’s a lie of self doubt, and begin to thrive in the person I am destined to be.
Today, I shared that with a friend, and now, I’m sharing with you. Because Lovey(s) to me we are friends who have intentional conversations and interactions…we are working our way to family.
My answer to the question…” I don’t believe any of the good things and people I want in my life will happen.That I am stuck and this is as good as it will get.” S**t, typing that out drills into me how damaging those thoughts are. And I don’t want to be a resident in that space.
Because just like Pinky & the Brain, I believe in world domination. I kid. I do faithfully believe that it was ingrained in me the talents, skills and abilities to be a person who connects individuals, to bring positive changes to society and to use this spitfire, take no bs personality and advocate for those who have a fear of doing so.
“I understand. Healing is layered and complicated. It will take time…But together, let’s try using some new words like… I am willing to try. This is an opportunity for me to be brave. But what if I could?”
~ Lysa TerKeurst
And in order to be that, I have to start with doing this for me. I have to change the thoughts I put in my head. Will I always be perfect at doing that, no! And that’s ok, but when I recognize it is happening, spring into action and replace those thoughts with beliefs that are true. I am worst critic, but damn, how different would it be if I was my best supporter…complimenter?
A strength of mine is that I am a logical thinker. I like to process all the ways to solve a problem. How to make it more efficient, more effective and more ethical. I’m getting all the clear messages that it’s time to take my work mindset and apply that to daily life.
As cliche as it may sound, the more I share thoughts and fears I never wanted anyone to know, the more freedom I feel and the more equipped I feel to live in my truth and purpose.
I’m going to continue to journal my thoughts, feelings, and emotions. I’m going to surround myself with people who want to lift me up; the people who whole heartedly support, understand, and want the best for me. But most importantly, I’m going to trust and believe in myself…every negative thought, moment or action that tries to derail my growth will be met with an artillery of things that I KNOW to be truth.
I hope this inspires you to dig into box you just keep covering with sand and believe that you deserve more than the lies that fill that box. And if you have worked through this, what are some things that worked for you?
