Bring the Bottle, You Can Keep the Juice!

I’m writing this on September 11, 2024 and can vividly remember where I was on that day.  A moment of silence and pause to honor those whose lives were lost, those who lost loved and all the heroes that continue to keep the memories of loved ones lost alive. 

“One day, when you least expect it, you are going to crash into someone who is going to be so soft and gentle with your heart, and you are going to be so glad you kept it open.You are going to be so glad that you continued to fight for it – that you chose to believe it deserved more.”
~ Bianca Sparacino

A “big” birthday is coming up. Or at least that’s what I have been reminded…ALOT. Had I thought about it, well not really. Have I after the reminders, yes.

This may be the most vulnerable post I will write. And it’s not a let’s be a dramatic moment, this is how certain terms, words can be reminders of milestones. Maybe some of you have reached your ultimate dream or goal; some you didn’t even expect. Snaps for you! And well for some…some…you just often wonder if you have been forgotten.

It’s hard not to write this with tears, and those who know me know this is a moment of trust. Every aspect of life, day in and out; every post, commercial, reality tv show, interaction at a gas station reminds of something. Maybe it’s that dish you had at Cafe Duro or you pass by Javier’s thinking of all the drinks, dinners and celebrations there. Maybe a song or phrase brings back a moment that at the time was bonding moment but now, its just a memory you wish never happened.

But then there are times, when you have an amazing opportunity land in your email that triggers and reminds you, that you have no one to share that moment with. Yes, you have family and friends…

Hangouts aren’t the same. Feeling left out, not intentionally ..well I mean you’re the only single friend. Now hear me, this isn’t comparison; I will always be one of the loudest cheerleaders for my friends. But it’s okay to say my heart desires a partner. It’s okay to grieve that up until a few months ago, I really, and friends as well, thought I had my person. No, I didn’t imagine it was something it wasn’t. And as I’m back in the dating world(side eye) I do cheer for friends, that were so blessed to have found their person and union early and damn do I love watching them grow together, and celebrate them. I’m not opposed to being set up, lol …but no, I’m serious.

So as 40 approaches, YES, I really am turning forty, so instead of this being a sad moment that I don’t to want to celebrate…where I am at the writing of this post; how about I do forty different things till forty, which would start on October 29th. And I would love some of your suggestions and I would even LOVE for you to join me on some of these. Because it can be life changing to share special moments with others.

Okay, eww, I need to go blow my nose, but I feel lighter. So thank you Lovey(s) for allowing me to be honest, transparent, vulnerable and a little bit broken. This is our safe place, and I want you to know I’m here for you. 

So as I wrap this, I have been thinking of ways to celebrate and I will gladly accept bottles of champagne or you can buy a Paloma or two.. 

Because when the nose is wiped, and the face is washed and I climb in bed, I can only count my blessings, and that is worth a smile.

Till next time Lovey(s)

Xoxo

Mahogz 

PS. I sent this to him or at least I attempted to. And you know what I felt, peace. The unanswered questions will linger with the dust collected as I tuck this chapter away.